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Tuesday, May 13, 2014

The matter with the manual for being mental

Today I finally found some time to have a look at The Diagnostic Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder (not made for those suffering from dyslexia, that’s for sure). Just writing down the name took me a couple of minutes, distracted by the fact that a certain Taylor Lautner started to follow me on twitter. I had to google his name, since I know him more as a werewolf from the Twilight, but yes, it’s him. Just checking that he is still following me…yes, he is.

So, the manual. It is quite a task. I would put it in the same basket as reading the Bible, at least for me. In other words, it is a PhD material. But since I do have already one, I decided to approach it in the same manner I tackle ‘War and Peace’. I read some extracts.

The matter which concerned me mostly about the manual was as to why all psychiatric patients hate it to such an extent? You see, I don’t have anything against psychiatry as such. If I knew when I was choosing what to study that I would join the mental crowd, then it’s where that I would definitely dedicate my time. Most psychiatrists do want to help, but after having looked at the manual, I understand now slightly better as to why they are often unable to execute any help in action.

For instance, let’s have a quick look at the segment describing the bipolar disorder. That’s me, and I was, obviously, interested in that particular diagnosis, since it is what I have officially as a title.

It has several subsections: ‘major depressive disorder’, ‘hypomanic disorder’, ‘manic episode’, ‘mixed episode’.

I do have (truly) a much better idea now as to why most of the psychiatrists I had to deal with had a slightly disturbed, concerned look on their faces. You see, the definition says that the disorder (whatever is the subsection) has to ‘cause distress’. And so, my answer that ‘I feel extremely happy’ (even after having received my diagnosis) seems to confuse the doctors.

I am not surprised as the manual is written as if the whole Candor party (I burrow the term from a remarkable book by Veronica Roth) participated in the task. Up to the point, but extremely boring.

It doesn’t say, for instance, what exactly happens in the heads of mental patients. Not even close.

My happiness with the diagnosis is due to the fact that I avoided Schizophrenia by being super smart.

But I will tell more about it in due term. Voices in my head tell me to stop for now and check whether Taylor Lautner is still following me on twitter.

I am a classic Schizophrenic, you see, and I managed to fool the psychiatrists (except one out of eleven), as well as their one thousand pages bloody manual.


P.S. After checking my Twitter, not only Taylor Lautner is still following me. He also posted a semi-naked picture of himself! Wtf?

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