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Saturday, February 28, 2015

Because I am worth it

Let me introduce to you one of my voices.

True, in one of my previous posts I mentioned the Porcupine as one of them (, but upon reflection I decided that he was more suitable for a rubric of delusions (I will consult him on whether he agrees).

I have many voices. I don’t hear them anymore but they are in a dormant state somewhere in the background, promoting me occasionally to think more about them and question their purpose.

Like the voice of the TV, for instance.

Before you start saying that the TV is already a voice (well, it does talk, doesn’t it?), I need to emphasise that in my case the TV was talking, only not necessary something which other people could hear as well.

“Ekaterina, you are a beauty queen of Belgium!”

“Ekaterina, you are a face of L’Oreal!”

This was what was transmitted to me by a good-looking guy from the screen.

I have to say that at that time the message was lost on me because of a particular belief I was pursing then. I was trying to be a Buddha because that revelation (that I am a Buddha) came to me several months previously and it was a profound one.

So, my concern was mostly about how to incorporate the Buddha’s thinking into the daily life. Like should I abolish all my material pleasures or could I pursue them still?

Later, however, that voice from the screen started to bother me slightly.

Like, for instance, who was that guy and whose voice was it?

I have to admit that when I cited all these messages to my treating psychiatrist he put it into the label of a ‘delusion of grandeur’. Apparently, all these things that we hear and which sound better than the real life belong to that category.

The explanation seemed reasonable, even if not a very welcome one (I would prefer that the psychiatrist would produce a contract with L’Oreal instead), but its reasoning came under my analysis only several years later.

Several questions became of a particular concern. Like if I am a beauty queen then why of Belgium (I did live there) and not of Russia or the Netherlands (the country where I heard the voice)? And why a face of L’Oreal and not of Dior or some other brand which I seemed to consume without thinking how it would affect my budget (badly)?

And it is only when I was writing my PhD thesis that a possible other explanation came into my mind. First, we are all affected by the celebrity culture, even if we claim that we are not. And second, if the voice was promoting L’Oreal then maybe it was indeed a good brand.

The fact that the voice could come from the Devil, this explanation reached me only later, when I was firmly established on my dose of Seroquel.

And so, I made an experiment. I switched to l’Oreal! And I have to say that I am very happy. Much cheaper than other fancy brands and the quality is amazing.

And to conclude I will quote from a song by Nickelback ‘The Rockstar’. I think it does summarise quite well the celebrity culture.

I'm through with standing in line

 To clubs we'll never get in

 It's like the bottom of the ninth

 And I'm never gonna win

 This life hasn't turned out

 Quite the way I want it to be


 (Tell me what you want)


 I want a brand new house

 On an episode of Cribs

 And a bathroom I can play baseball in

 And a king size tub big enough

 For ten plus me


 (So what you need?)


 I'll need a credit card that's got no limit

 And a big black jet with a bedroom in it

 Gonna join the mile high club at thirty-seven thousand feet…

Etc, etc…

Watch the video on Youtube



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