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Friday, May 15, 2015

Facial brushes – tools from hell

You know how it works. Every bloody second they come up with a new beauty product which is a must buy, will definitely make you feel younger, more beautiful, wrinkle-free and more appealing. We all know that it is all lies but we still buy them.

Sometimes I do wonder when I stroll along the beauty counters (guilty as hell) as to how one is supposed to remain sane with the overwhelming choice on offer? I am actually mad, but this question still lingers on the back of my mind when I try to resist the temptation of switching from a cream I know works, is cheap and has spared me from pimples to something which is ten times more expensive, will irritate my skin and will never deliver on its promise of a wrinkle-free face.

But while with creams, after ten years or more of struggle and irritated face, I did come to the logical conclusion that simpler is perhaps the better, with other beauty products I am still walking along the deluded.

Take for instance their latest invention: the face brushes. They are everywhere, as it seems, looking at us from the covers of magazines, beauty counters and beauty salons. They say that it is not a must, it is actually essential. Previous generations of women were all stupid when they washed their faces with a shower brush and soap. Nowadays one needs to rub his face as hard as possible, and wait for the spectacular results of absolute cleanness.

I bought one. The logic of my decision defied even me, and I questioned my purchase as soon as I clicked on ‘buy’ but I, nevertheless, proceeded. I did hope (even if I suspected that it was in vain) that it would deliver on the results it promised. That I would end up with a smooth face, deprived of any pores and dirt. In retrospect, this was exactly what happened, but, unfortunately, deprivation didn’t end up there. The brush also removed my radiant complexion because it made my skin red as hell, and a few hairs from my head. No one warned me that the electric brushes exterminate everything which comes their way and while I might admit that I was perhaps clumsy, it still came as a shock when with horror I stared back at myself in the mirror. I looked like a tomato and with a bald patch formed on my hair-line. Talking about making you look younger? Yes, if it is a look of a new-born.

I can’t say though that I was entirely stupid. At least I didn’t bin it, even if the desire was very strong to throw the brush out of the window. I put it on ebay. Almost at the same price I had bought it. And while I might have felt slightly guilty that I was selling a monster to an innocent party, the fact that it sold in five minutes, probably showed that innocence is a thing of the past in the world of the beauty industry. We buy the promise, not the result and while my bold patch has regrown since then, I was kind enough to send a note to the next victim.

“Beware of the loss of hair if you use this product.”

Sunday, May 10, 2015

I nominate myself as a Labour Party’s leader

And quite seriously so. I mean, let’s think for a second, why not? If there is a chance to become a leader, it is, obviously, right now, when the Labour party lost due (I think, it is the main reason) to the unpopularity of its leader.

The reasons for this lack of popularity seem to be the absence of charisma. It appears that modern parties’ leaders have first of all to be attractive to the public in terms of the media image. As long as one does well the job in the domain of the celebrity of politics, it doesn’t even matter what the party stands for.

So, I thought, I could be a leader. I could be a good leader. Embracing labour’s values (more traditional ones) does help me to advance my nomination for the role, but I have probably more serious grounds for success in terms of an image.

I do have a certain charisma. I say, certain, because, I noticed that one has to remain quite modest in order to remain popular, as beautiful and awesome one might be in reality.

I will provide a huge entertainment to the public. I mean, I am diagnosed as bipolar, how about witnessing a party’s leader getting into psychosis during a debate in the Parliament? I reckon that people would even stop watching X-Factor or Big Brother to see it, which, in my opinion, would be a huge result in the field of un-brainwashing of the celebrity culture.

I am also a Doctor of Philosophy and while I am smart, no one would ever call me as ‘nerdy’. I was known as one the biggest saboteurs at school in terms of having missed it all together, and some scandals from my past life would mean that the interest of the public would stay, and probably even increase, once I say that not only I smoked I also inhaled. Yes, I will stand for honesty.

And finally, while values of a particular political party appear as less important nowadays, I could become a walking example of these values.

I will speak on behalf of mental people (obviously, I will never cut any benefits for disabled people), I will talk on behalf of the immigrants (my accent speaks for itself), I am a mother (no cut in child benefits, that’s for sure), and I rely on NHS (it won’t be sold to naughty capitalists).

And my communist past is the biggest reassurance that Labour party will become a working people’s party once again.

Yes, how about nominating me as the Labour Party’s leader?