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Saturday, December 3, 2016

On being mental. Tips Number 3!

While being busy writing about politics, I kind of forgot to update my readers (I have no idea whom I am addressing, but still) about my own mental status, something I was writing extensively about on here before, since this blog is dedicated to madness. Madness is something I quite cherish since I do believe that those who hear and see things (the mental) are simply standing above all those who are stuck in being normal, especially taking into account such crazy things as Black Friday spending mania, watching endlessly reality TV, or thinking about the next car or house to buy. Being mad is, I think, a response of sanity to the world gone mad, something I also wrote in my article for Mad in America, which I then asked to remove for a year, because I got slightly paranoid and decided that if people will read that I am openly bipolar, they will stop talking to me on the streets.

I will write a special post on paranoia (one does have to, since that Matrix movie is not that far from the truth), but I rather give you some tips on how to prepare well for Christmas for now. Most of my advice is for the mad but I will try to incorporate something in between that ‘normal’ people can also use. I even reckon that those who are still walking without diagnoses might actually start adopting some, and you will understand what I mean, once you carry on reading this post.
So, in case you signed any stupid contract with a new IT provider or car insurance company (quite a few of them are now bombarding the public with offers), even with a close of ‘non-refundable’, you can always cancel anything as soon as you proclaim that you are mad.
For instance, I once ordered a full collection of jazz DVDs while being in a psychiatric hospital and using a computer at the staff room (they kindly allowed), but obviously, once I was back home, and after I had checked my bank account, I realised that I had done something totally stupid and called the company which sent me boxes and boxes of DVDs at once.
“Excuse-me, but it was sent already 4 weeks ago and it is not refundable!” The representative of the company which sent me the DVDs tried to explain.
“Excuse-me,” I answer while noticing with total bewilderment that I had also subscribed to all beauty magazines, as well as beauty boxes, standing in the corner of the room, ready to fall over the carpet under the weight, “I was in a psychiatric hospital when I ordered all that stuff. I was in full-blown up psychosis and can even send you a proof, such as a letter from my psychiatrist.”
Silence. And a long one. I think the guy was consulting the legal team or something.
“Ok, we will refund all the money and you can keep the DVDs, have a lovely day.”
You see? In all honesty, I didn’t expect that result at all, but it, obviously, made me thinking. Like, wait a moment, and how about trying to cancel the rest of all my purchases I did while being in the hospital and still managing to keep such nice things as that collection of creams I received because I did a year subscription on a beauty magazine (quite a few of them actually)? Mhh?
I did keep the collection of creams and I also managed to get a whole refund on that Belgian chocolate and wine I ordered to be delivered to the psychiatric hospital directly, sending the staff into total panic and banning me from the computer (finally). The wine had to be delivered to my mum, meanwhile, instead of the hospital, where I promised a party, to all other patients.
And so, dear mental patients here in the UK, I am so sorry that you have no longer any access to computers or internet in the staff’s room. That policy was changed after I visited the hospital and they had to rewrite that rule.
Sincere apologies,
Ekaterina (the mental)


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